All Kidding Aside – You are Responsible for Yourself


Thanks to the Onion for its timely satirical viewpoint



January 20, 2014
Report: Lake Ice Grows Safer To Venture Out On With Each Beer Consumed

—According to a report released Monday by researchers at the University of Minnesota, the layer of ice atop frozen lakes grows incrementally thicker and safer to venture out onto with each beer that an individual consumes. “While the surface ice covering a lake may pose a very real hazard of collapsing under the weight of a sober subject, we discovered that this same ice becomes progressively more sturdy with each 12-ounce can of beer that a subject puts back,” said lead researcher Robert Piper, noting that the ice sheets atop lakes, as well as large ponds and certain rivers, could be rendered virtually impervious to cracking beneath a fully grown man provided he has consumed four or more tallboys, regardless of temperature or weather conditions. “Our data clearly show that by collectively finishing a 24-pack of Keystone, Budweiser, or similar American-style lager, ice becomes so safe and stable that a whole group of buddies can walk out onto the lake as far as they want. In fact, you can go ahead and drive a fully loaded truck right on out there, no problem, as long as you and the boys drain a pony keg and the last of the Jack.” Piper went on to confirm that, even in the highly improbable event that someone who has drunk a sufficient number of beers does happen to fall through the ice, the consumption of such beverages simultaneously heats the frigid subsurface lake water to a temperature at which one can be fully immersed for minutes at a time without any risk of hypothermia.

All kidding aside, we are constantly reminded that the “firm” surface we stand on, walk, skate, bike, sail and sometimes park on is never completely safe. We all know this, enough said but do remember safety in numbers can be a myth as seen on Lake Geneva this weekend.

Cold is returning this week let’s hope that white stuff holds to a minimum. We are coming into the last of February don’t give up hope there is still plenty of Rec and Racing R&R to left in the 2016 Season.

See you on the ice,


P.S. Keep reading and reporting on the Ice Report emails. There are people looking to sail not just on the weekends. If your going out let the group know and bring more sailors out.

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